With HK gazillionaire Alan Zerman's private village (far left) looking down like a billion-baht bishop blessing his bacchanalian flock, Laem Singh is the place to be seen on Sundays - until the end of April, anyway..

It used to be the “best-kept secret on Phuket”, a place where the glitterati used to go to take their tops off without being recognised. Laem Singh Beach is no longer exactly a secret, but it has developed into arguably the most chic beach on the island, and probably in the region.

Much of that is thanks to Od, whose bar started out years ago as a place to chill with a cocktail while waiting for the sun to set. Reggae vibes enhanced the mood.

It’s also thanks to Jenny, who runs Soundwave Sundays, based at the bar, throughout the high season, from November to the end of April. Each Sunday the south end of the beach turns into a party, with cool Ibiza-style vibes, live deejays and cocktails served in buckets, delivered to your lounger by waitresses in smart uniforms.

Yesterday (April 11), another element was added to the party with the first Soundwave bikini contest, preceded by a “supermodel” show. Considering that the place was overflowing with bucket-guzzling lovelies, and there were cash prizes totaling B15,000 up for grabs, the turnout for the competition was modest – just four girls and a person of mixed gender.

The organisers had decided that competitors must not only look good in bikinis but also show off their dexterity with the gluteus maximus – the largest muscle in the human frame – by competing in a race, in teams of two, to carry balloons back to the stage using only their buttocks.

The crowd hooted, the girls giggled and someone won, not sure who.

The competitors were then sent out to canvass for votes among the crowd. Someone won and Sally, the mixed-gender person, came second. It was all a bit of a blur, really. But it was fun, and added extra buzz to a regular Sunday event that’s already legendary among the island’s beautiful people.

The only downside of an afternoon/evening at Leam Singh is the climb back to the road. Concrete steps have now been made up the steep hill, but with a bellyful of bucket cocktails and gravity working against you, it’s a tough climb, especially after dark when you’re negotiating by the light of a mobile phone.

But as the Italian proverb has it, “Per belli apparire bisogna soffrire” – One must suffer to be beautiful. So now you know how to be one of the beautiful people.

Layan Beach is just one of the many targets of the clean-up.

As part of the “Summer in Phuket” campaign, a huge drive to clean up Phuket, particularly its west coast beaches, has been organised for Thursday, May 28.

The south-west monsoon winds prevalent at this time of year tend to drive flotsam onto the beaches from one of the world’s busiest sea lanes – the route west from the Straits of Malacca, just a couple of hundred kilometres from Phuket. Uncaring crews on fishing boats contribute to the garbage that washes up.

Regular beach clean-ups have been organised in the past, usually by hotels of the sand in front of their premises, but the May 28 effort is on a much grander scale, involving at least 3,000 volunteers. For those wishing to join in, here’s a list of cleanup areas. All clean-ups start at 4 pm except where otherwise stated.

• Mai Khao Beach Zone 1, meet at the park area between JW Marriott and Sala Phuket.
• Mai Khao Beach Zone 2, meet at West Sands development north boundary.
• Nai Yang Beach, Indigo Pearl Resort coordinating; meet at the middle of the beach.
• Naithon Beach, Trisara coordinating. Meet at middle of the beach.
• Layan Beach, Trisara coordinating, Meet at the middle of the beach.
• Bangtao Beach, Zone 1. Meet at the National Park.
• Bangtao Beach, Zone 2. Laguna coordinating. Meet at Reggae Bar (starts at 3.30 pm).
• Bangtao Beach, Zone 3. Meet at Best Western resort.
• Bangtao Beach, Zone 4. Fishing Village, klong and village areas. Meet at Amancruises area.
• Surin Beach, Zone 1. Stereo Lab coordinating beach clean
• Surin Beach, Zone 2. Courtyard Marriott & Ayara Hilltops co-ordinating park and community clean-up.
• Laem Sing Beach. Sunday Soundwave Sunday party and beach clean.
• Kamala Beach, Zone 1. Courtyard Marriott coordinating north end with Boardriders Association.
• Kamala Beach, Zone 2. Meet at Smile Bar.
• Kamala Beach, Zone 3. Andara and Rockfish coordinating school/temple, klong and beach clean-up.
• Kalim Beach. Indochine and Lims coordinating a beach and klong area clean-up.
• Patong, Zone 1. 20 hotels involved in beach clean-up.
• Patong, Zone 2, Bangla. Two groups will clean up, one from each end.
• Patong, Zone 3. Jungceylon and Millenium Hotel coordinating cleaning of back road. Meet at the back (east) entrance of Jungceylon at 9 am.
• Karon Beach. general beach and community clean-up supported by local hotels.
• Kata Beach. Clean-up stations at Mom Tri’s Boathouse, Kata Beach Resort and Club Med.
• Kata Noi Veach, coordinated by Mom Tri’s Villa Royale. Meet at the bottom of the steps at the north end.
• Nai Harn Beach. General beach clean
• Rawai Beach. Evason Resort coordinating beach and local community clean-up.
• Panwa. The Aquarium and Sri Panwa coordinating area clean-up.
• Panwa. Cape Panwa hotel coordinating beach clean-up.
• Chalong. Meet at Chalong Pier for community clean-up.

Phuket Town, Thalang, Cherng Talay and other towns are also making efforts on Thursday.

The instigators of the mammoth clean-up are also urging all other people to lead clean-ups of their own local communities. For more information, keep an eye on the Summer in Phuket website.

Hua Beach - Phuket’s Secret Beaches

HUA BEACH: This beach is on the north coast of the headland between Kamala and the Thavorn Beach Village, on a road known to property developers as Millionaire’s Mile. (Why “millionaire’s” – singular – instead of “millionaires’” – plural – is a mystery; there is certainly more than one million-dollar home along this road.)

The road is pretty beaten up, particularly since there is now a great deal of construction going on. The local council, which owns it, never seems to have enough money to keep it up, or even to compete it – it was originally intended to be a scenic route right round the headland, but they ran out of money when it was about a kilometre short.

Because Hua Beach beach faces north and has the steep headland to the west, it tends to lose the sun early, so don’t expect to soak up the rays much beyond 3pm. But the sand is lovely and there’s a small, scruffy, friendly restaurant. As with Nai Yair, there are rocks in the water, so swim with care.

To get there: From Patong, go north over the hills and down to Kamala. Just as the road flattens out and you reach Kamala, there’s a turning to the left. Take this road and drive carefully through all the construction mess.
After this, about 1.8 kilometres from the main road, the road rises. Look out for the sign to Hua Beach. The turning is soon afterwards, between a pair of stone posts. An easy 200-metre drive down to the beach by motorbike or 4WD vehicle.

Had Hin Gluai

HAAD HIN GLUAI: Banana Rock Beach in English, this is the best of the five beaches we found for you. The way down to it feels almost mystical – along a wooded track, then down to a stream that seems to have carved its way right through a rock, through a meadow of wild flowers and finally to the beach itself.
There’s a small makeshift restaurant at the southern end of the beach, from which you can also rent beach loungers. The restaurant also has tables and chairs in the shade of large trees.
The beach is apparently named after the rock at the southern end, which looks a bit like one end of a banana sticking out of the water (if you squint your eyes and use your imagination – use it a lot).

To get there: Many people travel to this beach by long-tail boat, especially from the neighboring Trisara resort, but reaching it by land is simple enough. It is about a kilometre south of the southern end of Nai Thon Beach, and just north of Trisara. From Nai Thon, drive past Maleiwana and the Andaman White Beach Resort. The road climbs, then drops into a left-hand curve just before a bridge. Park on the right before the bridge and follow the track into the forest. Down to your left is a stream. A couple of hundred metres in is a crossing point; someone has even tied a convenient rope to a tree to help you get down to the stream. Cross over and keep following the path to the beach.

By Alasdair Forbes

Layan Beach - Phuket

LAYAN BEACH: This is one of those oddities of nomenclature. Layan Beach is actually not in Layan Bay. It’s at the north end of Bang Tao Bay, just south of Layan Bay.
Five years ago this was one of the quietest, most delightful stretches of beach on the island. Now, with the construction of multi-million-baht homes all around, there are a few more people on the beach, but it’s still far from crowded.

There’s a friendly restaurant and bar, as well as a recently added tour desk. Not sure why they did that – one suspects that not many people go to a beach to book elephant tours…
Go soon because, on a large tract of land set back from the beach, is the site for the new Shangri-La Resort and Villas. When that opens in a couple of years’ time, there’s going to be serious competition for beach chairs.

To get there: Either stroll north up the beach from any of the Laguna Phuket resorts – about two kilometres – or, if you’re in a car, take the road west from the main intersection in Thalang. When you reach the next village, look out for a turn to the right, signposted to Layan Beach Resort – it’s on a tight left-hand bend. Take that turn and follow the road for about 3.5 km.

When you pass the Baan Saun restaurant, keep an eye out for a turning to the left at the end of the tin-sheet wall surrounding the site for the new Shangri-La resort and villas. Turn left and keep going, over the klong. You’ll come to a T junction. Facing you is a gateway. Go through that and down the track to the beach.

By Alasdair Forbes

Haad Sai Gaew - Phuket

HAAD SAI GAEW: In English, Crystal Sands, this is at the northern end of Mai Khao Beach, curving round the top of the island and along the shore of the waterway between Phuket and the mainland. Since most people arrive in Phuket by air and leave the same way, few ever see the island to the north of the airport, which is where this lovely beach is.

The part facing west onto the Andaman Sea is well equipped with simple grass-roofed restaurants, but the beach is fairly narrow and shelves steeply, and swimming can be dangerous when there’s even a moderate swell.

For a wider, more pleasant, usually deserted beach, walk north along the sand until you turn the corner and get away from the worst of the breakers. No restaurants here, but the swimming is delightful. The only other people likely to be there will be local kids.

This is a walk of about a kilometre, so if you have kids in tow, or four tons of beer, get back in your car and drive north until you are closer.

To get there: Drive north along the main highway, past the airport turn-off, and keep going. Near the north end of the island is a police check-point, after which the highway splits. You’ll find yourself curving to the left, then right, and then running alongside the ocean. This is the southern end of Haad Sai Gaew.

To get to the north end of the beach, drive on slowly for about a kilometre until you see Tah Chat Chai school on your left. Turn left just before the school (or immediately after it if you miss the first turning).

Drive down to the beach. Park and walk about 400 metres to your left to reach the best part of the beach. Adventurous kids will love the beached barge.

GPS:8º11’52.98”N, 98º17’04.29”E

By Alasdair Forbes

Phuket Secret Beaches

Phuket has some of the world’s most fabulous beaches, with powdery white sand and warm, clear water under skies as blue as angels’ eyes.

But Phuket also has a lot of visitors, and on the most popular beaches – Patong, Kata, Karon – there are times when you can hardly see the sand for bodies ripening in the sun, or the water for jet skis, banana boats and parascenders.

People will tell you that Nai Harn Beach, at the southern end of the island, is less crowded, and it’s true. But it’s hardly a secret. And although it’s not as crowded as the most famous beaches, it’s far from empty.
Some will whisper to you that Laem Singh Beach, between Surin Beach and Kamala is the coolest, most secret beach of all. Part of its attraction, they’ll tell you, is that the only way to get there is down a steep, rough track, which deters plebeian beach-goers.

True, Laem Singh is a very beautiful beach. Also true is that, at the southern end, Jenny’s Place has excellent cocktails and laid-back music for sunset watching and after-sunset grooving. The whisperers will tell you that some really cool people – supermodel Kate Moss for example – have been spotted at Laem Singh. That might be true, too.

But what is also undeniably true is that an awful lot of other people have heard these same whispers. The parking space along the road above is jammed. There are dozens of tuk-tuks, too. This once-hidden beach has been well and truly discovered. Most days, there are hundreds of people there.

So where do you go for acres of sand without a single footprint? We ferreted out five beaches for your pleasure, presented on these pages, with details of how to get to them.

These are really hidden beaches. All the photos were taken around Christmas last year – the height of the high tourist season – yet the number of people on these beaches can be counted on the fingers of two hands. In some cases, on the fingers of one finger.

Of course, these are not all of Phuket’s secret beaches – there are others. But you wouldn’t expect us to give away all our secrets, now would you?

Phuket’s Secret Beaches:

• Haad Sai Gaew
• Layan Beach
• Haad Hin Gluai
• Hua Beach
• Nai Yair Beach (coming soon)

By Alasdair Forbes