Gottle a gear - Mon with captured Tokkae.

Phamon Samphanthamit – better known to his friends as Mon, is the guy you need to know when your spouse runs from the bathroom shrieking “Snake! Snake!” – a not uncommon occurrence; after all, paradise is well known for harbouring at least one snake…

Most of the snakes in Phuket are pretty harmless. The biggest, growing up to 10 metres in length, are the reticulated pythons. They’re not poisonous, but are quite capable of catching and swallowing your pet poodle.

Much more dangerous are the cobras, particularly the rather common monocellate cobra, which Thais call ngu hau. Get bitten by one of these and you need to get to hospital ASAP. Less common, but even more dangerous, is the king cobra (ngu jong ahng), which can reach almost 6 metres in length.

Apart from being life-threatening, the venom from both of these snakes destroys body tissue around the bite area, usually necessitating surgery. So it’s good to know someone who will come to your house and deal with snakes. You can call the local villagers who will be happy to beat the snake to death (and possibly beat your bathroom to death in the process) or you can call Mon.

Mon works for the Wild Animal Rescue Foundation (WAR), based in Bang Rong village on the northeast side of the island, and part of his job is catching snakes alive and releasing them in places far from human habitation.

“They are beautiful animals,” he says, “and I have never wanted to kill any of them.” In fact, he admits to a bit of an obsession with snakes, often capturing them so that he can add to his library of snake photos, then releasing them again.

Monocellate cobra, photographed by Mon. Quite common in Phuket, and definitely dangerous.

Mon recalls handling his first snake when he was six years old. He found out later that it was a potentially deadly banded krait, and he quickly learned to be careful to identify a snake before catching it. He’s been bitten three times, each time, happily, by non-venomous snakes.

His advice, if you find a snake in your home or garden:

1. Leave it alone.
2. Try to identify it, or at least make a note of its size, colours and head shape.
3. Call Mon at +66 (0) 84702 3302 or +66 (0) 76 260 491.
4. Keep an eye on the snake so that you’ll be able to show Mon where it is.

Mon will also come and cart away Tokkae lizards. Tokkae, at around 8 inches, are the T Rexes of the gecko world; they feed on all kinds of bugs and also like to snack on their smaller relatives, which is useful. The downside is that the males make an almighty racket at night – “tok-tok-tok-tok-TOKKAE!” – and they are not toilet-trained.

So wait till your tokkae has wiped out the local gecko population, or until you can no longer stand the noise, then call Mon.

Mon takes no payment for his services, but he will accept donations to WAR.

From left: Kkaew, Jane, PSV Director Nuttisa, Riz, Able and Poy.

You may recall the story we ran about Women’s Will Power, a group of five 30-somethings living in Phuket who removed 90% of their clothing for a glamour calendar, which was then sold to raise money for charity.

The exercise, we’re happy to report, was a success, with the ladies recently visiting Phuket Sunshine Village (PSV), a shelter primarily for abused children but also for kids suffering in the aftermath of the 2004 Asian Tsunami.

The five – Tipwarintron “Riz” Tanaakarachod, Able Wanamakok, Jiraporn “Jane” Chaiyasat, Tippanate “Kkaew” Pittyasamai and Pathamaphan “Poy” Ratanaphan – were fully clothed when they arrived at PSV to hand over a giant cheque for 120,000 baht to the home’s director, Khun Nuttisa. Magician Khun Magic (what else should she be called?) entertained the kids to make the visit complete.

Able says that there are still a few calendars left, which are selling at the discounted price of B299. To get one, contact her by email or look for the Women’s Will Power Charity Group on Facebook.

Chef Lumineau - the only Maitre Cuisinier in Thailand.

Jean-Noel Lumineau presented his first French food festival at Mom Tri’s Boathouse in Kata nine years ago – two weeks of the very best French food in the world.

He came back every year to do the same thing and, in September 2008, made the big jump, moving to Phuket as Chef Consultant for Mom Tri’s four restaurants – the Boathouse, the Oasis next door, Mom Tri’s Kitchen (all in Kata) and, the most recent addition, Mom Tri’s Regatta at the Royal Phuket Marina.

This was really quite a catch for Mom Tri; Lumineau has won Michelin stars for restaurants in France, and toques from Gault-Millau. He is one of just 300 or so Maîtres-Cuisiniers de France – the crème de la crème – and he’s the only one working in Thailand.

So getting fed by this man is really rather special. But you’ll need to be quick; this year’s Boathouse French festival lasts just two weeks, ending on March 21.

There are three menus, the “Les Châteaux” and the “Les Vignes” version, each of three courses chosen from a total of six, and a degustation version, four courses with a glass of carefully matched wine to go with each.

So you can imagine how delighted Phuket Observer was to be invited to sit down to the Châteaux menu on the terrace at the Boathouse, with a fine sunset and cool breeze ordered up specially.

Chef Lumineau explains that he finds many of the local ingredients, especially the sea food, fresh and tasty, though certain ingredients still have to be imported for authenticity – the truffles for example, and the cèpe (or porcini) mushrooms.

The choice of appetisers is between a crab salad with fresh tarragon and Orleans white wine vinegar sauce with aspargus, or duck liver with stewed pears. My vote goes to the duck liver, smooth and rich. More toast please. My partner, however, likes the crab better, and I can’t disagree, especially when the shell is nowhere in sight (one of my pet peeves: battling through a crab shell is, frankly,  too much work for too little reward).

This loin is really, really tender.

The next choice: Sautéed fillet of seabass with virgin sauce or Grilled Angus beef tenderloin, with black truffle slices, cèpe mushrooms, garlic and parsley. Neither of us being virgins, we both order the steak.

Oh yes. The real thing. This loin is supremely tender, and is deliciously offset by the truffle slices and the textures of the mushrooms.

Finally, dessert. My grandmother used to say, “Life is short, so eat the dessert first.” But I’m glad I waited. The choice here is between Millefeuille with caramel mousse and mocha coulis, or Cremet d’Anjou, a soft white cheese, with red forest fruit sauce.

We get one of each. At the time I can’t make up my mind which is better. I still can’t. I may have to go back again.

For all three menus, see here. For bookings, email or call +66 (0) 76 330 015.

Koh Tapoo, or James Bond Island - just can't take a picture without pesky tourists getting in the way...

Koh Tapoo (Nail Island) was swiftly renamed by savvy tourism operators to cash in on the twenty seven and a half  visitors who came to Phuket each year in those days. The renaming was prescient; these days it’s hard to take a picture of Koh Tapoo without 10,000 tourists in the foreground.

But Golden Gun is far from the only movie short in part or completely in or around Phuket. There are dozens of them.

In fact, Phang Nga Bay appeared in another Bond movie, Tomorrow Never Dies, released in 1997. In this case the baddie, Elliot Carver, hid his evil stealth ship in Vietnam’s Ha Long Bay. The movie makers found it a great deal easier to film the marine shots in Phang Nga Bay, which looks a lot like Ha Long.

Remember The Killing Fields, the grim 1984 movie about Pol Pot’s days in charge of the rapidly dwindling population of Cambodia? Remember the scene of desperate Cambodians climbing over the fence into the French Embassy in hopes of getting asylum? The fence belongs to the Provincial Hall in Phuket City.

Or how about Good Morning, Vietnam, the bitter-sweet-funny romance starring Robin Williams? Vietnam was still deep into Communist paranoia in those days, and shooting the film there would have been impossible, so director Barry Levinson settled on Thailand, with the streets of Thalang standing in for Saigon.

The grim Brian de Palma Vietnam War movie, Casualties of War, released in 1989, and starring Sean Penn and Michael J. Fox, also used locations in Kanchanburi, Phang Nga and Phuket for the same reason.

But it hasn’t all been spies and soldiers. The 1992 journo flic, Turtle Beach, starring Greta Scacchi, Joan Chen and Jack Thompson, though purportedly set in Malaysia, was shot in Phuket. Phang Nga Bay featured again in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Sort of. The limestone towers of Phang Nga were shot from the air and then CG’d massively to create Kashyyyk, home world of furry spaceship pilot Chewbacca and his cuddly cousins the Wookies.

Leo, with Maya Bay in the background.

Probably the most successful movie in terms of drawing tourists to Phuket was The Beach, the 2000 Leonardo di Caprio backpacker adventure movie. Phang Nga Rd in Phuket Town stood in for Khao San Rd in Bangkok, and Maya Bay on Phi Phi Lay Island was The Beach.

There was considerable controversy over alterations the movie makers made to the foreshore at Maya Bay, remodeling the dunes and planting extra palm trees. Environmentalists protested and made filming difficult. Arrayed against the greenies were the boatmen ferrying movie staff and equipment – and palm trees – to and fro. It came close to fisticuffs on a number of occasions.

The Observer’s sources indicate that darker forces were behind all of this – a battle between hotel owners for the lucrative contract to house hundreds of movie people for months on end. Details of that story, of course, are not likely to see the light of day.

But the movie was a big success, and thousands of people poured into Phuket and headed for Maya Bay, then wondered disappointedly why they were sharing the beach with thousands of other people.

One surprise: in 1987 the Aussie love story Echoes of Paradise, starring Wendy Hughes and purportedly set on Bali, was shot in Phuket. Maybe Indonesia was miffed that Wendy’s love interest, supposedly a Balinese dancer, was played by Hong Kong’s John Lone.

A large chunk of the second Bridget Jones movie, The Edge of Reason, which starred Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant, took place in Phuket. This piece of romantic froth eventually grossed 263 million bucks worldwide. Must have been the scenery.

The list goes on, and it’s not just movies; it’s TV, too. And it’s not just Hollywood, but movies and TV productions from many other countries.

The 10-episode Australian TV series, Vietnam, was shot partly on Phuket, and last year scenes for Bollywood action star and heart-throb Sanjay Dutt’s Blue were filmed in Thalang Rd in Phuket Town. Dhoom Dadakka, The 2009 Indian contender for unfunniest comedy of all time, was also shot partly on Phuket. The Amazing Race, the TV “reality” show, has twice visited the island, and another Bridget – Bridget Marquardt – rode an elephant and went parasailing in Phuket in her travel series Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches.

Renée Zellweger and Hugh Grant discuss romance with Phang Nga Bay in the background.

In 1996, Phuket featured in an episode of the German doctors-and-nurses series Klinik Unter Palmen, and one of Portugal’s longest-running soaps, Tempo de Viver, also paid a visit. Even the Danes have got in on the act, with travel series På togt med Troels Kløvedal – Nordkaperen i det Indiske Ocean (how do you pronounce that?) sailed the waters off Phuket in a schooner. And there are many more – too many to mention here.

Finally, a mention of a Thai movie made recently in Phuket: Tin Mine. This revolved around a young man coming of age on a tin dredge in Phuket in the 1940s. It was the official Thai entry for Best Foreign Language Film at the 2005 Academy Awards. It didn’t win, but it’s not a bad movie, so if you want a taste of Phuket before tourism, watch it. If you can find a copy, that is.

The communal pool at the Absolute Nakalay Beach Resort.

When the Global Financial Crisis hit Phuket, Martin Platts found his income soaring. Platts is the self-proclaimed “Golf Guru” of the island. Well, it sounds better than “coach”, doesn’t it?

He put his new-found wealth down to all those property developers who found themselves sitting in an office devoid of buyers and decided that they might be better off improving their game.

But not all developers have been having a barren time. One exception to the rule has been the Absolute group of party guy Brian Lunt, which has been completing project after project and also snapping up management contracts for smaller hotels and resorts that have been finding the going hard.

The company’s Absolute Resorts Thailand subsidiary, headed by highly respected hotelier Supachart Ruamsamu, now has eight properties under management – seven in Phuket and one in Pattaya – and is looking at taking on another six in the near future – three on Koh Samui, two in Phuket and one in Pattaya.

Two of these are being developed in collaboration with Yoo, the vehicle of French über-designer Philippe Starck.

Supachart admits it’s hard work, but he’s happy with the results he’s been getting, particularly at the pretty but formerly moribund Chandara Resort on the east coast of Phuket. “The owner’s very happy,” he told the Observer.

The latest property is the Absolute Nakalay Beach Resort in Phuket, which opened officially on January 27. Halfway between Patong and Kamala, on the west coast, it was developed by Absolute and follows the same model as the company’s other developments (and many thers these days) – they build and sell the apartments, and then manage them as a hotel so that apartment owners get (theoretically at least) an income when they are not in residence.

Room in then Absolute Nakalay Beach Resort.

Absolute Nakalay is small – just 33 apartments ranging from studio through two- and three-bedroom to penthouse suites complete with rooftop gardens equipped with jacuzzi and dip pool.

It’s smart, quiet, well designed and well equipped. All rooms have balconies, DVD players, cable TV and Wi-Fi. There’s also a communal swimming pool and gym, and indoor and outdoor eating areas (set meals only at present).

The place is easy to get to – it’s just off the main Patong-Kamala road – and is about 10 minutes from the heart of the action in Patong, yet quiet enough for those recovering from all that action.

Rates range upwards from B6,00 a night. For more information or for bookings, send email here. The property is listed on Agoda, but at present it doesn’t seem to be possible to make bookings that way.

Andrew Parker and Brian Lunt of Absolute with Jorge De La Torre Koch at the FineWineDine launch.

Absolute Group boss Brian Lunt has been flying to Koh Samui once a month for dinner with the local dining club, and figured it was about time that Phuket had a similar deal.

It now has. FineWineDine International was launched on February 11 at Climax, atop Absolute Bangla Suites in Patong, with seven courses prepared by chef Stephan Bouwman and his crew, served up to 60 carefully chosen freeloaders – hoteliers and restaurant people and others from the chattering classes.

To lubricate the proceedings, each course came with a different wine (French, Spanish, Italian and Argentinian), supplied by Great Prestige Co and Wine & Taste.

For gourmands, here’s the menu for that night: Liver paté; salmon and prawn carpaccio; potato and spring onion soup; asparagus risotto with veal; basil-lemon granitée to clear the palate; Tajima Wagyu beef with tomato confit, mozarella Panzarotti and balsamic reduction; and orange chocolate mousse with Campari panna-cotta.

And for those who were still hungry, there were Belgian chocolate truffles to go with the tea or coffee.

First stop, the Climax restaurant, bar and, yes, swimming pool.

Restaurants are still being recruited to the scheme, the aim being to have 12, so that members can eat at a different restaurant each month. Apart from Climax, the roster now includes Plum at Cape Sienna, White Box in Kalim and Le Royale Namtok in Kathu, so venues are set for March, April and May.

A single annual membership costs B24,000 while a membership for a couple costs B36,000. The club is run by Jorge De La Torre Koch, until recently the F&B sales and marketing manager at Cape Sienna.

To learn more, see the website here.  Oh yes, and note the word “International” in the club title. Wonder where that’s going to lead?

The Fantastic Phuket team, from left, Hervé Duprat, GM of the Novotel Phuket Resort, See-Som, Sales & Marketing Manager at the All Seasons Naiharn, Tu, Sport & Activities Manager at the Novotel Phuket and Pop, Sales Director at the Mercure Patong.

If you happen to be on Koh Lone, in the middle of Chalong Bay, on March 24, be careful you don’t get run over by 16 red-faced, sweating hotel people pounding along a 4-km course. If you do get run over, consider it a sacrifice to the well-being of the children of Thailand.

The hotel athletes will all be from the Accor hotel group, which is staging this year’s Race For Survival – a group fund-raising event – in Phuket. It’s a pretty grueling event: four days of kayak, swimming, bike and running races, all aimed at raising funds for Accor’s Yim Kids Fund, which will use the money to improve educational opportunities and children’s health.

Specific targets will include supporting slum schools in Bangkok, support for abandoned, HIV-infected children being looked after at Bangkok’s Mercy Centre, helping Koh Lao School in Ranong, which is still suffering from the effects of the 2004 Asian Tsunami, and improving the fishing equipment of villagers on Koh Lone.

The Race For Survival has raised significant charity funds in various places around the world. For example, the event held in Fiji raised more than 5.3 million baht for medical equipment. The minimum target for this year’s Phuket event is 3.6 million baht.

Sixteen teams of four from Accor hotels and offices ranging from Australia to Hong Kong will compete in the Phuket event:

Day 1 – March 22 – will see participants compete in a 5km run from Patong, a 1km swim at Patong Beach and a 20km bike ride from Patong to Naiharn. Day 2 has a 15km mountain bike race, a 1km swim at Naiharn and a 3km kayak race, also at Naiharn. Day 3’s competition consists of a 10km bike ride from Naiharn to Panwa, a 1km kayak race from Panwa to Koh Lone Island and a 4km foot race on Koh Lon Island. Finally, Day 4 will consist of a 1km swim and a 3km kayak race off Koh Lone, and a 20km bike race back to Patong

The local heroes are Fantastic Phuket, a foursome from the Novotel Phuket, the All Seasons Naiharn and the Mercure Patong. To see more about the team, go here. To back them, grab your credit card and go here.

Deluxe Garden View room at the J W Marriott.

Three resorts in Phuket appear is this year’s Condé Nast Traveler magazine Gold List, which lists the “best places to stay in the world, selected by the readers”.

In first resort in Phuket is the JW Marriott with an overall score of 91.4 out of a possible 100. The JW this year makes its sixth appearance in the list, having been a regular since 2005.

The Marriott is followed by Amanpuri, Adrian Zecha’s hideaway for the rich and famous, which is also a regular on the Gold List, having appeared in it every year since 2007. It scored 89.5

The third Phuket resort to make the list is Banyan Tree Phuket which, like Amanpuri, makes its fourth appearance. It scored 87.9.

The magazine asks its readers to rate hotels they know on quality of rooms, service, food, location, design and activities. The highest score in Thailand – a near-perfect 98.9 – went to the Four Seasons Tented Camp Golden Triangle. It scored 100 on every aspect apart from location and design.

Richard Clapton (left) and Charlie Musselwhite.

Andy Andersen, organiser of the annual Phuket Blues-Rock Festival, which takes place on February 26 and 27, has organised a couple of intimate dinners for small groups of people to get to know the two headliners – Charlie Musselwhite and Richard Clapton.

The first, with Australian rock hero Clapton, takes place on the 24th at the Baan Rim Pa restaurant at the north end of Patong, while the dinner with Musselwhite will be the following evening at Twin Palms. Dinner will run from 7 to 10pm.

Diners will get a five-course meal with three wines, plus VIP tickets to the festival and CDs signed by the musicians. Plus, of course, a promise of fascinating conversation and anecdotes.

There are just six places for each of the meals and in both cases, two have already been booked. Andy has asked us not to mention the price, but it will be more than your average bowl of noodles. You can ask him by emailing him. The festival website is here.

With all the comparisons with Cannes, can we expect the Phuket Film Festival to attract startlets posing for the cameras? - Photo by Eric D

Apparently undaunted by the way the 2009 Phuket Film Festival fizzled out, organiser Scott Rosenberg is gearing up for another go at it, and has issued a call for entries for the 2010 event.

The first festival was in 2007, with the second due to have been in June last year. That collapsed when the Thai government decided to host an Asean summit in Phuket with massive security to counter any attempts by the opposition Red Shirts to disrupt the summit.

This, Rosenberg said, scared off some of the big names – and with them the money, so he decided to cancel the festival. Minutes after he sent out the cancellation notice, the summit was postponed to October. Rosenberg says his company lost a million baht as a result and denied that the real reason for the cancellation was ongoing financial woes. (See earlier story here.)

Thai politics have calmed down a bit since then, and so far no summit meetings are planned for Phuket between June 4 and 13, the scheduled dates of this year’s festival.

Rosenberg commented “The [Cannes International Film Festival] had a rocky 3-4 year start and while we don’t want to emulate them, we sure do want to grow up to be like them.”

True. The first Cannes festival was supposed to be in 1939 but the occupation of much of France by Germany proved a bit of an obstacle. The Cannes festival was not revived until 1946. The following year a storm blew the roof off the purpose-built festival venue.

“The 2010 [Phuket] Festival expects to screen about 30 – 40 films with a People’s Choice Awards held for selected films,” Rosenberg’s company announced.

“This year the Phuket Film Festival is partnering with B-Side, an international web-based protocol for previewing Festival films and measuring audience reaction to the films. B-Side also allows film makers not only local Festival reach for their films but international exposure as well.”

Films may be entered for the festival by going to here or by emailing the organisers.  The deadline for submissions is April 30. A demo of the B-Side system can be seen here.