'Clownfish V' by Christopher Hogan is the top prize in the charity raffle.

A raffle to win a unique signed painting valued at 60,000 baht by Australian artist Christopher Hogan is raising funds for a school in Phang Nga province supported by Laguna Phuket’s “Developing Sustainable Schools” program.

Hogan is currently Artist in Residence at Laguna Phuket’s Summer Family Festival – and the raffle draw will be the centerpiece of the Summer Family Festival “Art Party” in Canal Village on  July 31, when his residency ends.

The raffle prize  - Clownfish V – is a metre-square acrylic painting on canvas and an outstanding example of Hogan’ well-known aquatic-themed work.

With tickets being snapped up, the raffle has already raised thousands of baht for Baan Jao Krue School in Phang Nga province, the current focus of Laguna Phuket’s Developing Sustainable Schools program.

The 100-baht raffle tickets are available from reception desks and tour counters at Laguna Phuket hotels, as well as around the Laguna area in Pepper’s Bar, Khun Woody’s Sandwich Shoppe, Black Cat restaurant, Farang restaurant, Lady Pie restaurant, Village Bakery and the Cherngtalay branch of Siam Commercial Bank.

Other prizes include two nights at a Laguna Phuket resort, a Banyan Tree spa package for two, rounds of golf at Laguna Phuket Golf Club and a Laguna Tours trip for two to Phi Phi Island.

Hogan holds daily painting classes for hotel guests and local residents as part of the Summer Family Festival in Canal Village. He is also volunteering creative art lessons for teachers and pupils of Baan Jao Krue School to initiate the children’s creative studies.

The Laguna Phuket Summer Family Festival runs until August 20 with daily Kidz Fun Zone adventure activities, a Flying Trapeze, Hollywood@Laguna family filming of a “Virtual Motorcycle Tour of Phuket” and nightly entertainment in the beer tent.  The Festival also has a range of offers for children to stay, eat and play free at Laguna hotels until October 31.

The new XJ. No one in Asia will see it until it's launched in Phuket.

Jaguar Cars has chosen Phuket over everywhere else in Asia for the regional launch of its new luxury, superfast XJ model, which has an electronically limited top speed of 266 kmh and a 0-100 kmh time of 4.9 seconds.

Ordinary mortals will not get to get behind the wheel of the new Jag – that honour will be reserved for a clutter of VIPs invited from Hong Kong, Indonesia, Malaysia, New Zealand, the Philippines, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Taiwan and, of course, Thailand.

They will get the full treatment, with lunch at Mom Tri’s Boat House Regatta restaurant at the Royal Phuket Marina, plus test drives on road and track with expert instruction so that they can fully appreciate just how much more fun an XJ is to drive compared with, say an S-class Merc or even a Honda Jazz.

Doing the Asia launch in Phuket does have a practical reason – the Jaguar people are going to be in Phuketr anyway at that time, because the company is a major sponsor of Phuket Race Week, the island’s windy regatta, during which boats lose masts, capsize and generally have an exciting time.

So the Jag VIPs will also get to watch the thrills and spills on the water in VIP comfort aboard the Six Senses Phuket Raceweek VIP Spectator Boat, or for those who prefer dry land, from Koh Bon (though they’ll still have to get a boat over there).

And just in case they haven’t brought the big wallet with them, they’ll still be able to take home one of the lesser models – the latest XFR saloon and XKR sports model will also be in Phuket.

Phuket Race Week takes place from July 21 to 25, based at the Evason Resort in Rawai. For more, see here.

Now here’s the deal, y’all: Ya bah a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and ya git another one free. Or, if you’re of the girlie pre-suasion, bah one of Suh-then Cumfut – and git one fer free. Or ye kin bah a Glass of Independence and git a second one free. And if all this drinking makes ye hungry, git yeself on the ahtside of 12 inches of patriotism – the classic Red White Blue Burger (nope – the meat is the red part, not the blue wun).

That’s probably enough yeehaw talk for now. But all the excitement in that first paragraph will be going on at Hard Rock Café (HRC) in Patong on the Fourth of July – when all true blue Americans celebrate the Declaration of Independence from the admittedly rather bonkers King George III of England.

HRC’s theme for the evening is “Rebel without a cause – Bad Boys vs Cool Girls”, with a ’50s costume competition (on-site hairdresser equipped with hairspray and oil). The restaurant also promises music ranging form ’50s rock ‘n’ roll through to the current stuff. There’s no cover charge.

For those who reckon “12 inches of patriotism” ain’t enough to feed a growing boy, the Mercure hotel, just across the road (that well known, er, French hotel chain), has an all-you-can-eat deal, with charcoal-grilled BBQ ribs, whole marinated chicken, jumbo hot dogs and more for B599 a head, which includes a glass of California house wine. Kids under 12 get the deal for B150, and those under 6 get to eat for free.

Competing with HRC and Mercure will be Coyote Phuket, which is launching  its first Annual 4th of July Deck Party & BBQ Buffet, with – yup - an all-you-can-eat BBQ buffet from 2pm-10pm, featuring “Smokey Baby-Back Ribs, Beer Brats, Burgers, BBQ Chicken, Hot Dogs and an All-American Salad Bar”. It’s B499 for adults, B299 for kids up to 12 years old.

Happy Hour will last all day, right up to closing time (whenever that is) and will include “ice-cold Budweiser and MGD (Miller Genuine Draft)! Well, a man’s gotta drink what a man’s gotta drink.

Meanwhile, in Phuket Town, Independence Day will be marked with a picnic, complete with music and games, at the Headstart International Learning Center, opposite the Makro supermarket in Phuket City from 10am to 7pm. Call David Rucker at 08 7266 7514 for more details. Entry’s free.

Finally, for those down in Phuket’s Deep South, Friendship Beach will have its usual 4th of July celebration with live music by Tropical Rhythm and a Buffet BBQwith ribs, salmon, chicken and “all the trimmings”. Oh yes, and fireworks on the beach.

Interestingly for students of history, the American colonies declared independence on July 2, 1776. And no, the Declaration of Independence was not signed on that day, except by John Hancock and Charles Thompson. The final signature (Thomas McKean) was appended in 1781, five years later.

In  fact, it’s a complete mystery why Independence Day is celebrated in July 4. But don’t let that get in the way of a good chow-down.

What's that down there?? Using Hollywood-style green-screen magic, a family fly over Phang Nag Bay in their "rot saleng"- Thai-style motorbike and sidecar.

Laguna Phuket has just launched its annual Summer Family Festival, with a new twist – families can now star in their own professionally-produced Hollywood-style motorbike tour of Phuket.

The Family Festival,  first launched last year, is aimed at all the family, whether visiting Phuket or living here. For children there will be three-hour programme each day (2 – 5pm), featuring in turn activities such as Wacky Games, Sports Skills; Climbing Capers; Treasure Hunts, High Ropes Adventure; Wet ‘n’ Wild; Arts & Crafts, Slip ‘n’ Splash; rock climbing and other outdoor adventure activities. For hotel guests these sessions are free. For non-guests the price is B200 per child.

There will also be a bouncy castle for the little ones, and evening Kidz Lounge sessions with movies and video games and a new KidzSole flying trapeze.

For parents, there will be a barbecue and beer tent with screenings of all the World Cup matches, along with live music, quiz nights and other entertainment.

The new “Hollywood@Laguna” will feature a rot saleng – a Thai-style motorbike with sidecar – in front of a green screen. Footage taken of the family will be combined with shots of various parts of Phuket, including James Bond Island – this motorbike can ride on water, part of the magic of Hollywood.

Families can even be involved in a choreographed “bike crash”, then continue making the movie with appropriate crash victim make-up.

For more on Hollywood@Laguna, go here. For more on the Summer Family Festival, go here. The festival continues until October 31.

From left, Arj Barker, Caimh McDonnel and Rob Deering.

The global climate is changing. All the animals are soon going to be extinct. We’re going to run out of water. BP is poisoning large chunks of the US coast because we all want to drive around in cars. We keep knocking over trees to build more fabulous holiday homes that no one actually needs. The air will soon be unbreatheable. And it’s all our fault. Well, the last bit is mostly China’s fault, but the rest is ours. We should all feel desperately guilty.

That’s probably why we in Phuket keep going to this never-ending series of comedy routines performed by visiting stand-ups from all over the English-speaking world. We need cheering up sometimes.

There’s another lot landing here on June 22 (a Tuesday) for a one-night stand-up at the Mercure Hotel in Patong. This time the performers are:

Arj Barker, from San Francisco. You’ll be happy to hear that Arj doesn’t think global warming is our fault. It is, he has concluded, the fault of the sun: “After all, when you burn the toast, you don’t blame the bread, do you?” He has a point. Arj is very popular in Australia, where the Melbourne Age described him thus: “Barker is an intelligent, droll comic with a dark turn of thought and a fantastic, disturbing stage persona.”

A disturbing stage persona? Just what we need when we’re all feeling guilty about making a garbage dump of our only home, the Earth. A disturbing person trying to make us laugh.

Caimh McDonnell has, according to the blurb, “a gentle yet incisive humour [that] makes any audience feel involved whilst playing with their expectations – sucking them in with his chatty, playful stage presence before metaphorically slapping them in the face with an unexpected punchline.” Oh good.

We all need a bit of slapping. But why only metaphorical? After all, with what we’ve been doiung to the Earth and continue to do, we deserve a jolly good spanking. His name, apparently, is pronounced “Queeve”. He’s London Irish.

Rob Deering, according to The Independent newspaper, is “as sharp and versatile as a Swiss Army knife”. So he’s probably got one of those things for getting stones out of a horse’s hoof.

He is also multi-accented, able to converse like a native from (in alphabetical order) the American South, Australia, Bristol, California, Cockney land, Devon, Edinburgh, Eire, Glasgow, Liverpool, London (non-Cockney), Manchester, New York, Northern Ireland, Scotland, the West Country and Yorkshire. Aye, lad.

He’s performed solo at the Edinburgh Festival not once, but six times. They like him there. He accompanies his jokes with a guitar. If you want to know more, you’ll have to go and seew the show.

Note the change of venue from the Holiday Inn “due to unforeseen circumstances”, whatever that means.Tickets are B960 in advance of B1,200 on the door. You can buy the cheap ones at any of the Woody’s Sandwich Shoppes in Chalong, Cherng Talay or Patong, plus the Royal Phuket Marina Health Club, Angus O’Tools in Karon and Arfur O’Tools in Kata.

The “Comedy Bar” at the Mercure opens at 7pm, with the show dues to start an hour later. To find the Mercure, head down Rat-U-Thit 200 Pi Rd until you see the Hard Rock Café on your right. The Mercure is a few yards further, on the opposite side of the road. For more info, see the Comedy Club website.

If you won’t be able to make it to the show, you can still cheer yourself up by doing something good for the environment. For example, today, right now, you can help to slow the rising amounts of CO2 that are adding to the greenhouse effect, leading to global climate change. It’s simple.

Stop breathing.

The 40 participants in last year's Phuket (Talad Yai) Photo Walk were a mixed bunch, but had one thing in common - big smiles.

July 24 has been set as the date for this year’s Third Worldwide Photo Walk and, as with last year, Phuket will be joining in with at least one walk.

The worldwide effort is the brainchild of Scott Kelby, a Florida-based photographer who is also the president of the US National Association of Photoshop Professionals – so he knows a bit about taking pictures, and how to fix them afterwards. In the first year, there were walks in 236 locations, with 8,324 people taking part. Last year the numbers leaped to more than 900 locations and 32,000 people.

There’s no charge for joining your local walk. Afterwards, each photographer may enter one picture in a local competition (though there is no obligation to do so if you don’t want to). The walk leader chooses the best of these to be entered for the worldwide competition, with Kelby choosing the overall winner and 10 “honorable mentions”. There is also a “People’s Choice” winner, selected by those who took part in walks.

Thailand tops them all: Last year's winner - worldwide - was "Can't stop smiling", shot at the floating market in Amphawa, Samut Songkram, by Bossakorn Buena.

Both the overall winner and the People’s Choice winner get one year’s free online training from Kelby’s company Kelby Training. The overall winner also gets a voucher for US$1,000 to spend with Adorama (a sort of Amazon.Com for photographers). The People’s Choice winner gets a US$750 voucher and the honorables each get US$250 vouchers.

Last year Phuket had two walks, one mostly (though by no means exclusively) “farang” and one mostly Thai. This year, so far, there’s only the farang one, but it’s early days so keep an eye out for a Thai one, if that’s your preference.

Phuket’s only walk (so far) is being organised again by pro shooter Karim “Kim” Khamzin. To enter, go here. The walk, in Phuket Town, is limited to 50 people – first come, first served. Kim will choose the winning picture (as leader, he’s disqualified from entering his own pictures – which is only fair).

For inspiration, go here for the top photos from the past two years. There’s a video here of the walk Kim organised last year.

Even if you have only a little point-and-shoot digicam and no intention of entering the competition, this is a great way to meet likable people and make new friends, and to see the town with a fresh eye. Call it Facebook with real human beings, or Twitter with mouths instead of keyboards.

Group shot for the cameras. From left: Urs Brunner, actresses Mamee Nakprasitte, Viyada Umarin and Kalorin Neemayothin, with fomer tennis ace Paradon "Ball" Srichapan and Urs's wife Maleerat, the angel in Angel & Bear Productions.

Western films set in Thailand up to now have all pretty much had the same characteristics: The stars are Westerners and Thailand is simply an exotic backdrop. Thai actors and actresses are all taxi drivers, gangsters or gogo girls.

Bitter/Sweet, which had its Thailand premiere in Phuket last night (June 11) as part of the Phuket Film Festival, deliberately sets out to break that mould.

Urs Brunner, whose Angel & Bear production company funded the movie, and who also shares the writing credits, told the Observer at the post-screening party at the Vijjit Resort, “We wanted first to portray Thai women as strong, independent and intelligent. I also insisted that the Thai actors must have as much time onscreen as the Westerners.”

Urs Brunner (second from right) with Mamee Nakprasitte (right), Kal (left) and local Boncafé boss Phakin "Nasser" Tanskul.

On this level, the movie works very well. Napakpapha “Mamee” Nakprasitte plays Ticha, a 20-something Thai girl who has risen above her rural roots to run a successful PR company in the Big Mango. It helps, of course, that the camera absolutely loves her, and her sidekick Mook (played by US-born Kalorin “Kal” Supaluck Neemayothin). Both are convincing as strong, independent and intelligent – and gorgeous.

They also get as much screen time as the three main farang actors – Kip Pardue as Brain Chandler; the amusing Spencer Garrett as Austrian exile Werner; and veteran James Brolin as coffee tycoon Calvert Jenkins.

Much of the action revolves around the coffee business and the coffee plantations of Krabi, which also allows the movie to work as a promotional tool for Thailand in general and Krabi in particular. Apparently the Tourism Authority of Thailand, which initially turned its nose up at the project, is now very interested.

The scenery in Krabi is jaw-droppingly beautiful, and this comes across well, particularly during a short interlude in which the two main characters, Brian and Ticha, take time out to see the sights. Director Jeff Hare knows good scenery when he sees it and makes the most of it.

The movie also works as a promotional tool for Thai coffee. This is no bad thing for Urs’s other interest – his Chonburi-based coffee processing, distribution and retail company Boncafé.

Bitter/Sweet is most unlikely to feature in the Oscars (though it did win best director and best movie at the Houston film fest). The plot is a simple “boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl again” romance with some amusing comedic moments, a little tension here and there, and no surprises.

The acting is generally convincing, though Liz Burnette gets a credit as “Ticha’s voice” so one imagines Mamee’s English may have been a bit too Tinglish at times (though in Thai she is forceful and in command of her role).

Bitter/Sweet is much more sweet than bitter. It slips down as easily as latte, and rates overall as good light entertainment without too much thought required.

Urs told the Observer that it will be showing in movie theatres around Thailand – it has subtitles in English when dialogue is in Thai, and vice-versa, so is accessible in either language. In most of the rest of the world, it’s going straight to DVD; deals have already been done for Australia and Japan and a number of other countries.

One hopes that copies have been sent to every US director so that they can consider whether the time has come to portray Thailand and the Thais more as they are, and less through the warped lens of  American cinematic hegemony.

Gotcha - but just a little bit over the line. New Zealand's Nicholas Clere concedes the third goal.

The final was between Australia and Iran, but the match the local crowd came to Surakul Stadium to watch yesterday was the battle for third place in the Seniors World Cup, between Thailand and New Zealand.

As the Thai teens jammed into the stadium screamed their approval (or simply screamed to show they could do it louder than the other kids), Thailand utterly dominated the match.

Partly this may have been because the humidity felt like it was around 2,000%. That, combined with a temperature not far off 35º had the Kiwis looking like limp lettuce in no time. Added to that was the state of the pitch, waterlogged after recent heavy rain, resulting in any ground ball going about five yards before stopping, throwing up a tail of water like a jet-ski. It was slippery out there.

This game's a scream! Teens celebrate another goal for the home side.

The Thais, naturally more used  to such conditions, ran rings around the cautious Kiwis. The contrast between the two sides’ styles of play could not have been greater – the Kiwis playing tentative triangles – forward, sideways, back – and the Thais playing long fast passes, swinging play joyfully from side to side, always pushing for the far goal.

At times it seemed as though Thailand had three times as many players on the pitch as New Zealand did. Whenever a Kiwi got hold of the ball, the Thais were all over him. Whenever a Thai got hold of it, chances were 50-50 there was no Kiwi anywhere near.

NZ goalie Nicholas Clere got stacks of exercise as the Thais fired shot after shot at his goal. Eventually, the fusillade took its toll – it had to; sheer weight of numbers. Final score: 3-1.

Oh yes, and the final: Australia 4, Iran 1. Congratulations to all you old blokes. A fine afternoon’s entertainment.

No coffee or massage without the card. Scott Rosenberg makes his point, watched by amused sponsor Charn Wongstayanont of Phuket Jet Tour.

Around 100 people turned up at the Royal Phuket Marina last night for the official opening party of the 2010 Phuket Film Festival. Most were the usual suspects from Phuket, but there was also a sprinkling of movie people from Bangkok, specially invited for the event, along with Italian, American and Indian movie people whose films are showing during the festival.

But the gravitational centre of the evening was organiser Scott Rosenberg. As wide as a double-decker London bus, with a pate as shiny as the ball in a pinball machine. In his unmistakable light cream jacket, he binged around the centre courtyard of the marina like, well, like the ball in a pinball machine, issuing instructions to all and sundry.

A particular concern was that no one  – and that means no one – should get a free coffee or a free neck and shoulder massage without first showing they had a special GIC Film Festival lifestyle card.

Brightening up the evening was Swedish-Chinese actress Ase Wang, fresh from filming of the made-in-Thailand movie, 'The Prince & Me: The Elephant Adventure'.

But now it was time for the speeches. Again, Mr Rosenberg dominated, giving thanks and conch-design trophies to all the sponsors. Well, most of them. Apparently the Red Shirt problem in Bangkok had resulted in the trophy makers coming up short on the order, so in many cases it was “Hold this for a photo. Now give it back. Don’t worry – you’ll get one. I promise.”

The situation was eased somewhat by the fact that some of the sponsors seemed to have forgotten about the event, including the main media sponsor. “Anyone here from…? No? A reporter maybe? No?” Ah well. One plastic conch saved.

Finally, the celebrities were lined up for a group photo. Lots of people took pictures, though whether they knew who they were photographing was not clear.

And then it started to rain in earnest.

—

The Phuket Film Festival runs until June 13. A schedule of movie showings and events may be seen/downloaded here.

The guy the girls all want to get close to: Wan Vorasit Issara of Sri Panwa.

A tough choice this weekend: a cool party on Cape Panwa on Saturday (June 5), or a cool party in Kalim, also on Saturday. Which to go to? What to wear? If I miss either one people will notice. Can I get to both?

Technically, yes, you could, though you would probably end up completely exhausted by the dash from one side of the island to the other. It’s make-your-mind-up time.

Choice A: At Sri Panwa, the uber-classy village and resort at the end up Cape Panwa, the opening of the new Cool Spa and Saturday night sessions at the Baba 88 lounge. Be there at 6pm for registration and cocktails followed by a spa show and lucky draws, then pile into Baba 88 for DJ music from 9pm till late, fronted by the interestingly named DJ Zit.

Most of the girls will be there to try to get close to Sri Panwa boss Wan Vorasit Issara, one of Thailand’s most eligible bachelors. He’s been featured in GM (Gentlemen’s) and Priew magazines and he was interviewed recently by TV chat host Woody Militachinda (with both sitting on chairs in the pool).

Wan’s a delightful fellow and really, really, knows how to organise a fun evening. Dress code: “Anything cool”. The spa thing is free to those in the know (which you now are) Just email to confirm you’re going. The Baba 88 part of the evening costs nothing to get in, but you pay for drinks. Beers and house cocktails are B200 a shot.

Nine looks nothing like the background in the pic. So will the girls at the event look like these?

Choice B: Nine, next to glitterati haven Lim’s on the hill overlooking Kalim Beach, is the soi-disant “Phuket’s most fabulous lounge and bar”. It does have the seal of approval from Condé Nast Traveler magazine, which included Nine in its 2009 Hot List.

Traveler described it thus: “Mimi, the owner’s mutt, mingles with Phuket’s coolest expats and in-the-know visitors who’ve outgrown the seaside sleaze.”So if you’re used to hanging out with dogs, or cool expats, or both, this is the place for you, especially on June 5 when it’s Plastic Dreams night.

The plastic dreams (Bakelite? PVC? Polystyrene? Tesco shopping bags?) start at 8pm. B1,000 gets you in, gets you finger food and gets you all-you-can-guzzle drinks. Dress code: how about “anything cool”? No need to book. Just turn up.

So which will it be?